


meet the raven dad

by Ffwydriad



Category: Critical Role (Web Series), The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Background Lup/Barry, Background Taako/Kravitz, Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor, Implied Vax/The Raven Queen, although i do apologize for the fact it's barely edited, because i totally wrote this instead of studying, i am not apologizing for this fic, look i'm not sure whether or not i meant that as a joke but you know what its in the story now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:48:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21850921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ffwydriad/pseuds/Ffwydriad
Summary: Kravitz, on working for the raven queen, accents, and annoying coworkers who definitely aren't father figures or whatever else you're trying to imply there, Lup.
Relationships: Kravitz (The Adventure Zone) & Vax'ildan (Critical Role)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 130





	meet the raven dad

Kravitz doesn’t fit in, in the land of the dead. 

Alright, so, to be fair, he doesn’t exactly meet all too many of the Raven Queen’s servants. He’s the only reaper for his plane, the other being an older woman who retired shortly after his being inducted, but he sees them, occasionally, having meetings with his Queen, and he hears them, occasionally, reading through reports.

For one thing, all of the reapers are very. Cold. Efficient. Exactly what you expect from the servant of death. He’s...well, he can be serious. He’s very good at being serious. Admittedly, that’s always been more of a deadpan humor kind of serious, but if no one gets the joke he can get that. Cold, well, the being dead thing is helping with that. He can do cold, probably. 

They’re also all very formal. He can do formal, but it’s a different kind of formal than he’s really used to, more reverential, religious. He wasn’t ever really one for religion. Well, he’s the servant of a goddess, now, so he’s going to have to learn. He’s gotten a hand of the basics, at least, with how to refer to his Queen, and the rest is, if not actually falling into place, will be soon enough. 

Those are all fixable things. He can learn how to be cold, and he can learn how to be formal, and he’ll be able to fit in, but the one thing he can’t learn is the  _ accent _ .

Every other servant of the Raven Queen has an accent. The same accent, too. It’s an accent he’s heard, somewhat sparingly, in his time alive. And it’s not an accent that he knows how to do. 

He’s tried. He tries so hard. He has… an accent. It’s related. But every time he tries, it just. It doesn’t come out right. He uses it on the job, of course, he has to keep up the, well the brand, but it comes across as just fake. A bad attempt to try and pretend he’s anywhere near on the level of the rest of his Queen’s servants. 

At the very least, he thinks, none of them bat an eye at his attempts. Not that he talks to them. Much. At all. But in the few times when he does, no one pays him any special mind, the way he did with his real voice. 

Well, none of the other reapers and servants make anything of it. The Champion is an entirely different matter. 

The Champion is the only of his Queen’s - not servants, because while the Champion serves her, he’s not her servant, exactly - who Kravitz has any regular dealings with. Reapers remain on their planes, and for most, the Astral Sea isn’t part of their job description - his Queen has different roles through different planes. But the Champion remains there, always, does not venture out into the Planes except during the physical manifestation of his Queen’s presence, which is. A rare occurrence.

So, while working on paperwork related to the citadel and escapees and such, Kravitz has come to expect the Champion’s presence, occasionally. The Champion is not like reapers. He’s - well, he’s as cold as can be expected, from the dead, but there is a levity to him, an amusement. He doesn’t actually pull any practical jokes, but he gives across the presence of someone who would, if he weren’t worried about sacrilege. 

He’s also - well, he’s reverential towards their Lady, but he’s not exactly reverential in the way he talks towards Kravitz, or any other reaper. That is his due, of course. There isn’t any sort of ranking system, of their Queen’s servants, but the Champion is definitely above the rest of them.

He does have the accent, though. And, when Kravitz first talks to him, using what he’s now decided upon as his work-accent, he bursts out laughing.

“What the fuck is that?” the Champion asks, sitting down at his desk. “Are you - are you trying to do my voice?”

“This is how I talk,” Kravitz says, trying to remain unphased by the Champion’s reactions. 

“No, it most definitely is not,” the Champion tells him. “I’ve heard you talk before, and you don’t sound like that.”

Kravitz frowns. “I’m trying something new. To fit in.”

“To fit in with what?” the Champion asks. “That isn’t an accent that fits in with anything. I can’t even take you seriously.”

“No one else has any issue with it,” Kravitz says. 

“What, the other reapers?” the Champion asks. “They’re too afraid to insult you because they know you’re more important than they are.” At Kravitz confused look, he adds, “because you actually get to keep track of the Stockade.”

Kravitz pauses. “I think I’ll stick with this accent,” he says. 

“Suit yourself,” the Champion says. “But if your victims can’t take you seriously, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

* * *

The first time he takes Lup and Barry on a tour of his Lady’s realm is...interesting, to say the least. He’s still not entirely sure to make of the two archliches, and the fact that it’s his boyfriend’s sister and her partner doesn’t make the complication any easier. 

Still, they take to it with interest, both enthusiastic about the job - and are only slightly less enthused when he mentions the required paperwork. 

And then, of course, the Champion shows up. 

“You’re new,” he says, and then he tilts his head. “Krav, why are you giving a pair of liches a tour of the Astral Stockade?”

“They’re our two newest reapers,” Kravitz explains. “At the specific request of our Queen.”

“Yeah, Raven Mom’s cool with us,” Lup says. “Are you Krav’s boss?” she asks. “Are you are boss?”

“Am I your boss?” the Champion asks. “I haven’t been doing a good job, if I am.”

“He’s the chosen of the Raven Queen,” Kravitz explains. 

“We’re all, technically, her chosen,” Barry points out.

“Not like this,” Kravitz says. “He is her Champion. Her  _ only _ Champion.” 

“Oh, so you’re the Raven Dad to RQ’s Raven Mom,” Lup says, nodding. “Or-”

“Don’t make the joke I know you’re about to make,” Kravitz cuts her off. “We are in the realm of our goddess.”

“I mean, does Taako know you’ve got a-”

“Lup, I swear to-”

“Family that you haven’t introduced him to, geez, Krav, get your mind out of the gutter.” Lup laughs her particular, chaotic laugh. 

“You have a boyfriend?” the Champion asks. “And you haven’t introduced us yet? Kravitz. Kravitz, come on.”

“I have been busy dealing with an apocalypse,” Kravitz points out. “Why would I introduce you? You’re barely even a coworker, and you’re definitely not-”

“Your Raven Daddy?” The Champion finishes, and then laughs at Kravitz’s panicked, dread-filled face. 

“If you’re the Champion of the Raven Queen,” Barry asks, “What does that make your relationship to her, exactly?”

“If you’re a lich,” the Champion asks, “where’s your phylactery?”

“Oh, we’re each other’s phylacteries,” Barry says. “More or less.”

“How very Briarwoods of you,” the Champion says. “And, well, I serve my Queen in whatever way she requires.” He waggles his eyebrows at that.

“You are the worst,” Kravitz says, pressing his head into his hands. 

“You’re the best!” Lup exclaims. “

“I’m sorry, Champion, but I think we need to leave, now,” Kravitz says. “It’s been wonderful, as always.”

“Sorry, Krav, but I’m officially changing my title to Raven Daddy,” the Champion says. “So either call me that or use my name like I keep asking you too!”

“Is this revenge for the accent?” Kravitz asks. “Because I’ll stop using it. I promise.”

“Why would I ever take revenge on you sharing that ridiculous, ridiculous accent with the world?” the Champion asks. “This is just your life now, and you have to deal with it.” 

Lup and Barry are both snickering, and Kravitz doesn’t even hesitate to take them back to the material plane.

“Oh,” the Champion calls out, as they leave. “Don’t forget to introduce me to your boyfriend!”

**Author's Note:**

> was this entire fic written b/c i had the pressing thought in the middle of the night of lup and/or taako calling vax "kravitz' raven daddy?" yes. yes it was. 
> 
> do i apologize for this fact? no. no i do not. but feel free to yell at me @malaismere on tumblr


End file.
